In this newest class that I am taking with Rev. Kathy Hearn, we are searching our source for what is blocking us from being a part of a healthy relationship. This is the core stuff that is so easy to ignore and so difficult to face. The stuff, the dragons and demons and childhood fears, that we throw habitually in the path of romantic love. Whether it be fear of abandonment and/or commitment, not feeling worthy, or issues with trust, it can keep us from experiencing the joy of having someone to play checkers with (I read that in a Jodi Piccoult novel and loved the phrase!) as we rock away on the porch swing toward a life time together.
This last meeting, we wrote a brief description of what we want in a relationship. After that, we were led into deep meditative awareness as a way to connect to the heart. We wrote down the energy blockages that surged out of the heart and onto the page until our thoughts were scourged. It took awhile but in the end, there was nothing left inside that was not on the page.
I wrote for a long time, but eventually everything was out. It was such a relief! Now those yucky sticky thick negative thoughts were on a notebook and not in my head. I felt lighter but also drained.
Next we asked the awful, soul drenching self question of 'why do I cling to these energy blockages'. Eww and gross. Do I really want to know this? Is there too much I can know about myself? How much of the Shadow within do I want to face. I mean, this could be worse then the days of tar and feathering.
I proved to be my own conqueror, faced the inner tar, and wrote down my part in the blockages.
It wasn't pretty.
The man I attract had better damned well be worth this self abuse. Oh, should I write that? It doesn't sound too spiritual and loving. Please don't tell my future partner I said that--it will be our little secret.
For homework, we are thinking up and repeating positive mantras destined to fill the cleared space with love and hope. Such as, if I've had experiences of feeling like I lose my self in a love affair, I can affirm that I am a powerful person.
Funny how the things that are designed through self awareness, with positive, thought out intentions, are so much lighter and enjoyable to hold onto. Mm mm, they just feel good.
If you try this whole technique at home, be specific in your blockages. Don't just write fear of abandonment, but exactly what you fear could happen. For example, if you got close to someone and they left you, you might care what the neighbors say. You might look bad to others and that is an ego basher. Did someone leave you when you were young and it hurt and was confusing? Dig deep and let it OUT! Hanging on is no fun at all!
In saying this, there is a reason you've held on to the junk like a blockage pack rat. Have you been too comfy cozy with your hoardings, been afraid of the beast within, enjoyed blaming others and playing the victim? Don't be shy in admitting your slinking shadow. One, no one has to read this because paper burns easily and two, once this is over you will feel better.
Rev. Hearn recommended the book, Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself, and I will be purchasing it soon.
Blessings with demon facing and filling in the empty space with love peace and hippie happiness.
Heather Leigh
No comments:
Post a Comment